I talked with my girlfriend from North Carolina yesterday and as girlfriends we were getting caught up with each other’s lives especially now she’s so far away. Since moving to North Carolina I don’t get a chance to see or talk with her everyday but we try and make an effort to talk at least once a twice every few weeks. After we chit-chatted about the husbands, crazy kids and the demands of work and school our conversation quickly turns to reality shows. Since she admitted she’s been working countless hours of overtime and missed the last two episodes of the show I was trying to get her up to speed on what’s happening with the new season of Basketball Wives. Basketball Wives is one of the shows I know she and I both watch and enjoy. We both get a kick out of Shaunie O’Neil (Shaq’s ex-wife) and her group of basketball ex's crazy antics. Our favorite, Tammy Roman a former roommate on the 1993 reality show, The Real World Los Angeles on MTV and former wife of NBA player Kenny Anderson is just a loudmouth, tell it like it is, feisty, know-it-all. She so reminds me of my mother’s sister Aunt Joanne and Tessa’s grandmother Lil May. Let’s just say these women (May, Joanne and Tammy) don’t play if they don’t like something you will hear about it (whether you want to or not)!
Like me Tess is a full-time mother and professional working woman so Reality TV is one of our common bonds (so I thought). After discussing the opening season of Basketball Wives I tried to move on to a few more shows like Top Chef, Real Housewives of Atlanta, and Kim and Kourtney Take New York. These were shows we had talked about before (at least in past seasons) or referenced we were going to watch in the near future so it actually irritated me quite a bit when again she wasn’t up on what’s going on in the shows (I thought this was our thing). I said to her “I thought you watched these shows?”And she replied “every once in a while but it’s not something I do on a regular”. Then the phone got awkwardly silent for a few moments so much so that I thought we got disconnected for a second. Then she asked, why do you watch so much realty TV, it’s like all you watch? First, I thought to myself…that’s sooo not true! Her tone almost made me feel ashamed like I was watching too much porn or something. Then I felt like I had to justify why I like and watch something to my best friend when I thought this was one of the things we had in common. Something I thought she shared passion for as well but I guess I was wrong. I defensively answered “because I just do”! I made some BS excuse about my youngest needed to take his bath and got off the phone. The conversion with Tess left me feeling judged like I was some idiot box that couldn’t comprehend anything but low brow television entertainment. I sat there washing my child in the tub he’s chatting away about the bad kids who don’t listen in his class and I was trying to listen (well not really). I was thinking to myself of course I watch other television programming but reality TV is something I really enjoy and I don’t think I should feel guilty about that. As I’m drying off the little one and putting on pajamas I kept asking myself, why do I watch so much realty TV?
I started thinking about all of my personal issues and the never ending mounds of responsibility that I’ve acquired over the last 4 years. Not many people outside of my family and really close circle of friends really know what’s really going on in my personal life. Not only am I a full-time mother (with my third child on the way), student, wife but I’m also one of two caregivers for my disabled parents. I say the care giving job is part-time but really that ish is a full-time job. Back in 2006 my mother started going blind due to her diabetes being out of control. Her eyesight got so bad so quick that that in 2008 she was forced to retire because she couldn’t see to perform her job. For a few years it was my mother who was the sick one on top of being blind, having diabetes, she has high blood pressure, and heart issues. We never worried about my dad because he was strong, active, ornery, confident, mobile, still about his wits. Then all of a sudden in 2009 my father got seriously ill, all at the same time my dad (also a diabetic) had a heart attack, stroke, and kidney failure. My family wasn’t sure he was going to make it but somehow he pulled through with the help of several months of family support, hospital care, and rehab stay. A year later my dad had a small sore on his foot and he was so afraid of being hospitalized again that he didn’t let anyone know. Diabetics don’t heal as quickly as everyone else so a minor cut or scrape if not properly cleaned and cared for can become infected with gangrene and require amputation. Well that’s what happened to my father, from an infection from a small cut on his big toe it caused him to lose his leg, his foot and toes. He’s an amputee from the calf down and he hasn’t been the same man since the illnesses and amputation has taken over his life.
I can’t begin to tell you how stressful taking care of two fairly young parents can be. Not only do I come on Tuesdays and Thursday’s to help clean their home, I also manage all of their finances. I pay the mortgage, cable, rehab bills, real-estate taxes, life insurance, all utilities, bank deposits, cell phone bills, food shopping, credit card bills, landscaping and handyman work, etc… Sometime it’s so stressful I need an escape and Reality TV provides that escape for me. I need entertainment where I don’t have to analyze anything to let my brain relax and my body release. To see other people go through their real life drama and so I can be relieved from mine own. Maybe for just an hour I’m living the life through those I watch. The Real Housewives are ultra rich women with big houses, shiny things, and a pampered life. Watching the Real Housewives of ATL somehow I share in their pampered life. As I watch the show I’m right alongside Phaedra, Ne-Ne, Kandy, Sheree, and Cynthia on their luxury African Safari vacation. I don’t think about how I’m going to finish two papers by Friday, pick my dad up from Dialysis, force my mom to eat after she takes her insulin, balance their personal bills and still have enough for the mortgage, give my husband and kids the attention they need and deal with morning sickness. There are times I don’t think I look attractive because of baby weight gain so I pop on a little RuPaul’s Drag Race and watch the men transform into divas and serve up a side of Fierce! I love to hear RuPaul say “the time has come for you to lip-sync for your life and don’t Fu%k it up”. Ru always helps me shake off the baby weight blues. There are men in his competition over400 pounds that deliver gorgeousness each episode, this show just make me feel good and smile .
Sometimes my anger is at its boiling point because I feel like in my parents I have two additional kids that are stubborn and don't listen. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents and I do what I do for them because I love them and I’m their daughter. But ask yourself how many 37 year olds are taking care of their 59 and 61 year old young parents. I feel like sometimes I don’t get a break because they’re so ill and require so much time and attention. I surely can’t ask mom to watch the kids for me while I hang out. She can’t even do the most basic action without falling or hurting herself. How is my mom going to cook for the kids or call for pizza when she can’t see? I’m also afraid she’ll let her sugar dip too low (this happens when diabetics don't eat shortly after taking their insulin) and pass out with my children right there. So I need the Mob Wives famous cat fights to get my aggression down and out. Watching these women fight on this show is way better than taking it (my frustration with so many responsibilities) out on my family members. My kids don’t deserve to be snapped at because I’m stressed over Nana and Papa’s bills and health my parents don’t deserved to be snapped at because I’m stressed about school and illnesses they didn’t ask for. Plus sometimes it’s just nice to see that the rich and fab have drama just like everybody else.
Now you’re probably saying if she’s your girlfriend wouldn’t she know about your parents issues? Yes but I don’t think she’s associated my inner peace and release with watching reality TV. Honestly I really didn’t make the connection until she asked me last night why I watch so much reality TV. Some say reality TV really isn’t real, I really don’t care, as long as it gives me the escape, release and balance I need in my everyday life then I’ll keep on watching.
It sounds like you are very busy. I wanted to post to tell you that I completely understand your concern about watching reality t.v, and how your friend in a similar situation doesn't understand how you watch all the shows. My dad is really sick right now, and on top of my job and school I go back and forth on the commuter rail from my parents house to help out because I am the child who is most nearby. I believe that everyone has an escape from stress, mines not reality tv, but there are things I do to keep my mind off of what's going on. Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support Ally. It's really nice to know another classmate is going through something similar. I really don't know anyone else who is taking care of their parents the way I do mine (well besides you now). I hope your dad gets better and you stay strong as well.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, hahaha to "like I was watching too much porn or something!" I think that is the stigma non-reality show watchers have placed on reality show watchers in the past few years.
ReplyDeleteAdditionally, I understand the stress the situation with your parents is causing you. My parents are both 50 and dealing with all of my grandparents' issues (medical, financial...a very similar situation to what you described). I see the stress this puts on them, but they don't have the additional stress of young children (my brother and I are in our 20s and low maintenance), pregnancy, and still being in school. On their own, all those things are stressful; I can't imagine all of them at once.
Everyone needs a release, a form of indulgence, an escape, a guilty pleasure. Reality TV is that for you...so don't let anyone, even your best of friends, let you feel funny about it!